The foundation stage is a crucial time for children –  it sets them up for their time at school in years to come. But the first day of school is often traumatic for both children and parents. Here are some tips on how to cope with those tears.
Your little one is torn between the excitement of the first day at school, and the shock, of the new experience. For many, separation from mum and dad will have been experienced before now, but the symbolic significance of the first day at school marks a stage in child development that can be hard for all involved to handle smoothly.
It’s essential that adequate time be devoted to preparation well in advance of a child’s first day.

 Often, fear of the unknown is at the root of much anxiety and this can be easily avoided through visits to the school and classroom and a gradual building up of familiarity. The two main threads of this preparation are the practical – what does the child and parent need to know? and the emotional – what are the typical emotions experienced and how might they be understood and managed?The position of the child within the family unit can have an influence too. For the oldest, with brothers or sisters remaining at home each day, school can trigger a greater sense of separation than for the youngest, who is joining his or her older brother or sister at school, outside the home. While the former may experience anxiety, the latter may bounce into school feeling nothing but excitement.

General pointers.

• Any emotion that a parent or child feels around starting school is OK. They may need support managing those emotions but it’s important that they understand that feeling them is acceptable and even normal.
• It’s natural for newness to cause anxiety. Usually, as soon as the novelty of the event has passed, anxiety will fade.
• Anyone crying, whether adult or child, needs comfort at that moment. Stock up on tissues!
• All of the emotions felt by parents and children over starting school can be overcome. The key is to do this with as little trauma as possible.
• Make sure that both child and parent know exactly who they can talk to in the event of concerns and anxieties, and when.
• Allow time for adjustments to take place. This is a huge change in the routines of both parent and child, but with time, both will come round.
• Talk about your own experiences of starting school with your children.

Support for parents

• Know that you are not the first and certainly won’t be the last to experience first day of school anxiety.
• Try to arrange with the teachers to remain on site for a while so that you don’t have to leave immediately after saying goodbye to your child. Before you leave, a member of staff could check on the child and report back to the parent that all is well!
• Experiment with different ways of saying goodbye to your child outside the classroom (in the playground perhaps). This is sometimes a key to keeping emotions calmer.
• Make sure you talk to other parents about how they are feeling.
• Try to remember that excessive anxiety in a parent can be passed on to the child.
• Why not discuss with the school the possibility of going into the classroom as a helper for the first half-hour each day for a limited period. This will show your child that you are happy to leave them in this safe environment.
• Keep the lines of communication open and build up a visible rapport with teachers.  If children see that their parents are comfortable with teachers, they are more likely to be too.  Ultimately, the message to the child has to be that the new situation is OK and that all will be well.
• Recognise that you are no longer the only authority figure in your child’s life — you share that responsibility now, with your child’s teachers.
• If school develops into an issue greater than simple anxiety about the new experience, arrange activities and events, no matter how small, outside school so that it is not the be all and end all of the child’s existence.

Support for your child.

• All foundation stage teachers will know the importance of a warm welcome for each child every morning. Although there are many demands on a teacher’s time, the more often this can be achieved for each child the better. Ensure this is happening for your child.
• Make sure the needs of your child take priority.
• Try to ensure that before leaving your child, say a swift and happy goodbye to them, and make sure they are engaged in something as soon as possible. Don’t miss out on the goodbye stage – even if it is upsetting – it’s crucial.
• Talk about the emotional response they are feeling. It’s probably true to say that in most cases, upsets of this kind are not manipulative responses on the part of the child.
• Be particularly aware of those children who do not express their upset through tears. Their true feelings may need to be teased out in other ways, for example through talking or drawing.
• Focus on the positive as much as possible. Talk about the great experiences the child can have in the immediate and near future.
• You can never give a child too much reassurance, and be hot on any teasing their fears and emotions may be prompting.
• Reiterate whenever necessary that the sense of separation and loss that tearful children are feeling is temporary. At this age, children are usually developmentally mature enough to understand this.
• Emphasise the routines of each day. This often breeds security.

Successfully settling an apprehensive child into a happy routine for learning at school is a significant and profound achievement for any parent and teacher. Not only does it set the scene for the child’s success at school, but it also helps to ensure that learning is enjoyed for years to come.

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2. Overcoming First Day At School Fears
3. Cheer Up after Shopping for School Clothes
4. The First Weeks at School
5. Topic of the Week – First Day at School